This one is for Larry

Events of the past week have led me to wonder what the hell planet I ended up on. I was supposed to land on one where people behaved better than this. The place where children are more important than football careers.  A universe where women receive more respect than scrutiny. And a world where fathers die of natural causes. Where his family gently whispers, “It was his time” instead of wondering, “What the fuck!?”

I want to live on the planet where asswipe morons aren’t allowed to comment on news involving family loss. I’m all for freedom of speech but it amazes me what pure shit can pour out of people’s fingertips when they hide behind Internet anonymity. I’m sorry John Doe 1001, but I have serious doubts that  “Obama’s Socialist agenda” killed my father-in-law. At least that comment made me chuckle instead of cringe.

Some of you know me as a pretty tough cookie. One with a caustic sense of humor who laughs at sarcastic comments made by asswipe morons. I’ve been known to make a few myself. But this week has weakened me. I am drained. This week I am rendered weary by negative crap, petty shit, ignorant comments, silent treatments and glib Facebook invitations to bitch slap someone….

This week I don’t just want better from people, I need it. We are so above this.

It’s one of those weeks where life grabs your jaw and stares you straight in eye and shouts “HEY! Take THIS dose of perspective. Whattya gonna do about it?

Here’s what I’m going to do. I am going to lean on good friends and family who boost my spirits. I am going to focus on what I do right instead of wrong. I am going to lovingly pack for a long road trip. I will hard boil eggs. Make trail mix. Do five loads of laundry. And I will pray.

I am not an organized religion person, but I believe in a higher force beyond our menial little selves. When I pray, I usually do it to say “thank you”.  Thanksgiving is a natural time to shout out some gratitude.

I did not know my father-in-law very well. It would be misleading to say how much I admired him. Or that I finally understand why he made the choices he did during his journey on this earth. But this Thanksgiving, I give him my gratitude prayer.

I am eternally grateful to Larry for eleven, huge reasons. They know who they are. If it weren’t for Larry, I wouldn’t have a unique relationship with people who have distinctively touched my life to some degree. Who gave me eleven different lessons in strength. Eleven demonstrations about how much love and loyalty a family creates in the face of adversity.  Eleven models of perseverance. Because of them, I know what true resiliency looks like.

I am grateful for the extended, growing tribe of more and more people beyond the eleven who I now call “family”.  Some I know. Some I will meet for the first time next week.

To Sunny, James, Melanie, Toby, Amanda, Amber, Susie, Brittany, Courtney, Quenby and above all Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, the biggest reason of all…thank you. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for giving me shit and making me laugh. Thank you for crying on my shoulder and letting me cry on yours. For dishing up the scoop. For coffee talk and happy hour babble. For listening. Thank you for supporting my path and being my fan.

Above all, thank you for making me your family. I am blessed to have the whole lot of you. And I am so, gut-wrenchingly sorry for your tragedy.

To Big Lar, I express my gratitude. For showing me that a two-door Toyota Paseo CAN indeed serve as a tow truck. For battling the Serengeti camel who robbed Sunny of her white zin. For those endearing eccentricities and irreplaceable craziness that made us shake our heads. Only Larry. Typical Larry. May you rest in peace knowing that because of you, in spite of you, or a combination of both, you created an incredible clan.

You have a beautiful family, Larry.  Thank you for them.

 

Happy Thanksgiving folks. I will be off for at least two weeks. Hug hard, love vulnerably, and give thanks with all your might.

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8 thoughts on “This one is for Larry

  1. mary says:

    You are one strong, loving wonderful woman! A big hug to all three of you as you drive to the memorial. Enjoy the love all those children have given to you and create more memories. We will miss you at Thanksgiving, but I am thankful for your family. Heres to the dump salad

  2. Fay says:

    There’s extremes and then there’s counter extremes. You’re leaning in the right direction. May the best of memories console you and tighten the bond between you. Drive carefully.

  3. Julie Spielmann says:

    Amy- wonderfully written and oh, so true, even for someone who doesn’t know Larry. Rest assured that for as many people who spout hatred, racism, and fear, there are just as many who are full of loving kindness for others. I’m living in a country full of those folks and my meditation will be for you and for your family. I wish I were there to give you a big hug.- Julie

  4. Anonymous says:

    Amy I am so sorry for you and your family. It just plain sucks……just went through it all in August with my dad. Sending hugs and prayers your way. Vicki

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