Recommendation for self-defined victims…

“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we
can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”

Richard Bach

I’ve been giving lots of thought to the concept of self-defined victimization this week. It has made me increasingly aware of true stories of struggling and survival. Starvation in refugee camps. Childhood cancer. Tough stuff.

It has also made me aware of a tiny release of some little crap that usually bugs me. Just a little. My husband might tell you otherwise, as my heavy sighs were duly noted during a recent TV remote tussle, but I have felt a subtle, gentle shift.

I’ve taken the above quote from a blog I bumped into when writing “Victims”. I found this entry on The Positivity Blog to be a nicely packaged piece about the benefits of staying a victim with tips on pulling yourself out of it. If you fall into the Poor Me pit like I do, I hope you find some helpful nuggets of truth in there. Dig around the site on a gloomy day.

Photo: mzacha/morguefile

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3 thoughts on “Recommendation for self-defined victims…

  1. Jason Ducharme says:

    The earlier commenter is absolutely correct. The only choice is to get out of that relationship and take the kids with you if you can. If you type in ” self-defined victim” into the Google search engine the first item to pop up is a detailed profile and analysis of a self-defined victim personality and the patterns of relationships with such a damage the personality. It clearly defines their activities as terroristic and defines their as being addicted to sympathy. A generically label my ex wife as a ” sympathy junkie”. I managed to hold together a relationship with her for 18 years for the sake of the children. I had the fortunate circumstance of having been forewarned by her father and stepmother, so I was able to her in check and a strong level of peace in the home and keep her from manipulating the children and my family. In effect, I had to learn to become a master manipulator in order to counteract her, but I still suffered the loss of friends, employment and reputation throughout our entire relationship. Even having been arrested for false allegations of abuse and sexual assault during our divorce. Unfortunately, and fortunately. Today’s social media network gives them a new outlet to garner sympathy. The fortunate aspect of a self-defined victims online activities is that there is now a record of their activities. How I was able to beat the charges against me was by presenting records of her chat activities from the day after she said I raped her. To one group of chat room buddies she strongly implied that I had forced myself on her and made her bleed. In the same hour, to another group of chat room buddies, she spoke of how she had a great weekend going out with me and how it sucks to be on her period. My advice is don’t walk out of the relationship prematurely. First, build a body of evidence. Then ditch the bitch. You cannot help them. Even after finally recognizing her condition and confessing all to our mutual friend, and being surrounded and supported by those who love her, she bolted. She pushed away everyone in her life who loves her and want to stay with the only remaining person who still believes that she is being mistreated. Wash your hands of this person. Run for the hills after you install keystroke software on their computer and build a body of evidence.

  2. Survivor777 says:

    please, DO NOT trivalize the self defined victim pathology! I lived with a diagnosed victim who completely destroyed my life, friendships etc., This person’s physcotherapist advised me to get out immediately, was about to destroy me completely and continues to stalk me 2 years after divorce. You will not see the true self defined behaviour or recognize it without professional help, you will only sense that something is horribly wrong. They have a terrorist mentality and are abusive in every way possible. Please do your research. THIS IS NOT A GAME HEALTHY PEOPLE WILL NOT WIN. GET OUT NOW!…………………………………………………..
    .Life finally makes sense.

    • aejohnson says:

      thanks for sharing your experience – I am very sorry for what you had to go through. There are extremes for every behavior and it sounds like you were living with one. Thank you for pointing out the urgency of getting out of a relationship where “victims” sabotage everything you try to build. In this and my “Victims” blog, I realize I only scratch the surface on the subject to raise a level of awareness for those who chose to react to adversity from purely a victim standpoint – I by no means meant to trivialize the subject. There is dysfunction…and there is pathology – it sounds like you experienced the latter.

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