Political Uprising Causes Gastrointestinal Distress

I’ve racked my brain for thoughtful remarks on the proverbial fan-hitting shit here in Wisconsin. I started one sentence about collective bargaining before bowing out, best leaving the topic to those who actually know what the hell they’re talking about.

I started a passionate defense of Planned Parenthood, who spends 97% of their time and resources providing services that aren’t abortions. I pleaded with fiscal conservatives who, probably at least once in their lives, relied on PP for health care. If it weren’t for PP, some of us might not have seen the whites of a doctor’s eyes for over a foolish decade. My ramblings fell far short of riveting.  

Debate is not my strong point. I feel like Patrick Star in this climate of political uprising. I have strong gut feelings about issues that, alas, are sorely misrepresented by my weak rhetorical skills. Therefore, I’m gonna stick to my gut and what I do best  to help ease the wave of political nausea.  

I offer you… crackers. And ginger ale.

Crackers and ginger ale are great for gastrointestinal protests. But most store-bought saltines and ginger ale will do you more harm than good. Reality check:  homemade is better for your belly. And usually cheaper…a bonus when facing wage and benefit cuts. So pull yourself away from your favorite news feed and take a few moments to create a some relief.   

Come on America, join me. Crackers & ginger ale. A union we can all support.

Comfort Crackers

2 cups flour mix (white, whole wheat, oat flour, your choice)
1 tsp. baking powder
½ tsp. salt
1-2 Tbsp. fresh herbs, finely minced (I use rosemary – it’s good for headaches, but you can use anything your heart desires)
2/3 cup warm water
1/3 cup olive oil
1 egg white & 2 Tbsp. water, whisked
toppings (sea salt, sesame seeds, poppy seeds, cracked pepper, or go nudey with no toppings at all)

Preheat oven to 400. Lightly grease 2 cookie sheets. Combine dry ingredients & herbs. Stir in water & oil until dough is smooth. Split dough in half and roll onto cookie sheets. Cut into squares with pizza cutter. Use a knife to finish cutting edges. Brush with egg white wash and sprinkle with toppings. Bake 10-12 min. Cook longer for crunchier comfort.

Amy’s Ginger Cures What Ales Ya

Adjust amount of herbs for desired strength.  

2 cups water
4-6 cardamom pods, roughly bruised, crushed, or chopped (you just want to release some of that cardamom love without reducing it to powder)
cinnamon stick
½-1 inch piece fresh ginger, roughly chopped (not minced)
teensy bit o’ hot pepper (optional, and not recommended for small children or Midwest grandmothers with sensitve tongues)
bubbly, like seltzer, sparking water, or club soda (note: some club soda has sodium benzoate) 
sweetener (I use local honey. Agave nectar is healthier. Some people like stevia, I’m not yet a fan. If you must use sugar, use brown, for a touch of molasses & color)

Put all ingredients in saucepan & cover. Bring to boil. Lower heat and keep covered, simmer for 10 min. Take off heat, stir, and let sit for 10 more or until cool. Strain. Sweeten to taste, then add a little more (you’ll need it after adding bubbly & ice) Cool tea completely. Fill glass with ice, half tea, half bubbly.    

Not So Simple Syrup Option:  You can also make a spiced syrup with all of the above. Add a scant 1 cup of sweetener & 1 cup water to the saucepan. Simmer, covered, about 20 min, stirring occasionally. Cool completely. Add less syrup to the glass than you would the tea. Add more to adjust taste.

Serious Relief Option: If you are over 21 and just watched Glenn Beck, add a shot of quality rum or vanilla vodka. If you have too many of those, however, your belly will resume protests.

Final recommendation: My favorite store-bought ginger ale is Natural Brew Outrageous Ginger Ale. Very earthy flavor, chunks of ginger floating about. Reeds and Santa Cruz Sparkling Organics also make decent selections.


2 thoughts on “Political Uprising Causes Gastrointestinal Distress

  1. Fay says:

    1. Now I know who Patrick Star is and that mayo is not an instrument. Horseradish is debatable … but, let’s not go there….
    2. Thanky for the ginger ale recipe. Looking forward to trying the REAL thing. All other pseudo g.a. choices are the alternatives.
    3. Nice blog site. Nice looking. Seriously good tips. Light hearted. Will pass this on!

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